Four Facebook Status Updates You Need to Stop Doing Now

 

dislikeFacebook is currently the king of social media. Everyone from your godson to grandmother is poking and sharing every day. But as I use this popular site more than the average person, I have noticed many people updating their statuses with absolute garbage. Now this is not me pointing the finger and telling you I am right and you are wrong. I will never claim to be a social media whiz. It’s more of a public service announcement to tell some of you out there to stop pissing people off with your lame updates. Below are four of the worst in my opinion. Leave a comment if you would like to add to the list of worst Facebook status update offenders.

Humblebrag:

Urban dictionary defines this annoying Facebook status as, “Subtly letting others know about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or “woe is me” gloss.” We all know that the whole idea of using social media is a tad bit narcissistic. We as humans love to share, comment and share some more each day online. However, this whole “something really exciting is about to happen” or “well that meeting went EXTREMELY well” are just cries for attention and a digital hug. Knock it off please. I am all for people sharing great news. I do it all the time. But some news just doesn’t need to be posted on Facebook. Pick up the phone, send a text or email a close friend and let them know. Quite honestly unless it involves the people reading it on Facebook, they more than likely just don’t care.

Too many updates:

I am not one to tell people what is the magic number when it comes to posting on various social media platforms. Once a day, once a week, or once a month. It’s your damn page. However, people that update every other five minutes with what they are currently doing is just an abuse of social media. Updates like “Just woke up #TGIF”, “Brushing my teeth #pearlywhites” and “Hmm what movie should I watch tonight? #thinking” are you telling others you have no idea how to socialize with human beings in your life or you desperately need human beings in your life. I have seen people update their status multiple times per hour with useless nonsense that clutters my wall. I usually unfriend or hide them as I just don’t need to know that you walked from the bedroom to the kitchen to get a banana. Think before you Facebook people.

Getting deep:

I am a very positive person. I love life and all that good stuff, but I do not spout off endless inspirational quotes each and every day as if I am Deepak Chopra or Oprah Winfrey. Found a deep quote online? Cool. Feeling enlightened by some words put together by someone really moving? Neat. We don’t need you cluttering our wall every day with these overused quotes. Now again don’t get me wrong. I love a good quote like the next guy, but use them in moderation. No one, not even Mother Theresa, was that profound every waking moment. Share a kitten pic once in awhile.

Vaguebooking:

“You know I will always love you.” Who? Me? Why are you posting some cryptic message to your 500 friends online (407 you’ve never met in real life)? “Well that didn’t end well.” What our friendship on Facebook? I dropped you because your mysterious messages were nothing more than I wish daddy hugged me more as a kid. If you have something to say, SAY IT. If not, keep your emo updates to yourself.

 

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